A date with my overthinking....

A date with my overthinking....

Lately, my mind has been running wild. The overthinking hasn't stopped for days. Right now, there's a pile of books beside me, ones I promised myself I would read but I haven’t turned a single page. My laptop screen stared at me for over an hour today, and I couldn’t do a thing. I don’t even know why my mood feels so off. Maybe it’s because I’ve not been feeling well. Or maybe it’s the medicines I’ve been taking these days. I’m honestly not sure.

A friend suggested I go out, breathe a little. So I decided to take myself on a solo date. Truth be told, if he were around, I wouldn't have to fight these thoughts alone. His humor pauses everything chaotic in my mind. But well, he wasn’t there so I went.

Funny enough, Overthinking has unofficially become my favorite hobby. Honestly, I feel like I could pursue a PhD in it yet here I am, doing a PhD in something else entirely. Life choices, right? Anyway, today was just another one of those days. Well, not just today actually, for the past few days, my thoughts have been running wild like they’re in some kind of marathon. I’ve imagined scenarios that will probably never happen, and revisited ones that never even existed.

And in my mission to calm this mental storm, I end up spending money. Not on therapy or something wise. And in the process of trying to reduce that noise, I end up spending money on things I don't even need. Retail therapy, they call it. But sometimes it feels more like retail tragedy. I buy things on impulse, random stuff that I know I won’t use. But at that moment, it feels like a solution.

So today, I took myself out on a solo date to slow things down. The idea was simple no shopping, just me, some peace, and maybe a coffee.

The sun was blazing when I left home. I almost turned back, thinking What’s the need to step out in this heat? But I had already dressed up. After all, it was a date… with myself. So, I walked into my favorite cafe and took my usual seat the one by the window. There’s something about that place the aroma of coffee that greets you the moment you step in, the tall ceilings, the warm smiles of the staff. It’s comforting. I ordered what I always do cold coffee and a brownie. Maybe not the best pairing, but it’s my little odd ritual.

Just as my order arrived, it started raining. The raindrops clung to the glass windows, blurring the chaos of the world outside. That noisy traffic had softened. I wondered if the scent of wet earth was filling the air. But before I could find out, my coffee and brownie sat in front of me, waiting.
I had carried a book along, but it remained untouched. I wasn’t scrolling through Instagram either. I was just... observing people. And wondering  do they overthink like I do?

It was around noon, and not many people were there. A few staff members two girls, three boys taking orders with smiles that didn’t seem fake. Their laughter made me wonder how many responsibilities do they carry? How many storms are hidden behind those smiles? Maybe this is what work teaches us to keep the storm inside and wear calm outside.

There was a couple across from me, so lost in each other’s eyes that their cappuccinos had long gone cold. I couldn’t tell if it was their first date or their last but their love hadn’t faded. woman nearby kept checking her phone and glancing at the door. Anxious energy all over. I wondered who she was waiting for, and whether they'd actually show up.

There was also a man eating alone with calmness that didn’t match his tired eyes. And a girl in the corner, typing away on her laptop, frustration leaking through her shoulders. Deadlines, heartbreak, burnout maybe all three.

And then, there was me. With my overthinking, half-sipped coffee, untouched brownie, and a mind louder than the cafe music.

By then, the rain had stopped, and so had my coffee and brownie. Once I was done, I paid the bill and walked out. No phone, no headphones just me. I always walk when I’m in my hometown. These streets have seen every version of me the girl who ran to school with two ponytails, the angry teenager slamming doors, the girl who cried after her first heartbreak, and now this mother of two still a baby... slightly more composed, still emotionally chaotic woman.

As I walked, I noticed the trees had dropped flowers across the sidewalk. I picked a fewout of habit. A little girl was walking with her grandmother, and I handed the flowers to her. She gave me a shy smile. I smiled back. That one tiny exchange felt like a warm blanket on a cold evening.

As I walked, I saw petals scattered all over the pavement. The wind had shaken them off the trees. I have this silly habit I collect flowers from the road, clean ones, and give them to strangers. Today, I saw a little girl near the corner and handed her a handful of those petals. She smiled like I’d given her the world.

And in that smile, for a second, my mind slowed down.

But not for long.

We meet so many people every day. But we hardly see them. We scroll through their stories, judge their smiles, assume their lives are easy. But what if they’re overthinking too? What if their silence is heavy? What if their smile is stitched together?

We see so many faces every day strangers we assume are fine, people we assume are happy, successful, content. But we never really know, do we? What they’re overthinking about. What they're carrying. And yet, we tell ourselves stories about them without knowing a thing.

My overthinking didn’t really stop today. I did talk to a friend he told me to share what’s bothering me. And I did. I don’t hide things from him. But this time… I don’t even know if it’s something worth sharing. Or maybe it’s not something meant to be solved just felt.

I didn’t even take my phone with me on purpose. I knew if I looked at it, I'd spiral again. Life isn’t simple. You don’t even need a reason to overthink sometimes a single word, a glance, or a random memory is enough to trigger the mess.

And of course, on my way home, I ended up somewhere I hadn’t planned to go the market. A little shopping was supposed to be a distraction, but “a little” quickly turned into “a lot.” My hands were full of bags, my mind still full of thoughts. I walked home anyway no cab, just me and my bags. And my mind.

Fifteen minutes of walking, ten minutes of overthinking. That’s about right. It had been a long day one of those quiet, dragging kinds that makes your heart feel heavier than usual, for no obvious reason. I walked aimlessly, letting the breeze touch my skin, hoping it would carry away some of the thoughts I had been holding on to for far too long.

And then, just as I looked up, I saw the sky.
It stopped me in my tracks.

A soft, fading shade of evening blue stretched endlessly above, where clouds floated gently, like they had all the time in the world. They weren’t rushing. They weren’t worried. They just were. Existing and being beautiful in that existence.

For a moment, I forgot everything the deadlines, the messages, the weight of expectations. I stood there, breathing in a sky I hadn’t looked at properly in weeks.

Because somewhere in this race responsibilities, endless to-do lists I had stopped doing the things that used to bring me peace. I hadn’t watched the sky. I hadn’t sipped tea slowly (By the way, I am forbidden to drink tea.) I hadn’t written poetry for the sake of it. I hadn’t laughed without measuring the time.

I was so focused on "becoming" that I forgot who I already was.
And I miss her the version of me who looked at sunsets like paintings from the universe, who found metaphors in clouds and calmness in winds.

That evening, as I looked up, it felt like the sky was reminding me of myself. That it's okay to feel full of thoughts, of confusion, of silence. The world is full too of noise, of stillness, of mess, of beauty.

And maybe… just maybe… we don’t have to stop overthinking.
We just have to give it space. Let it wander like clouds soft and wild and then gently guide it home. Like a story returning to its ending. Like me, returning to the sky.

I had almost forgotten what that felt like. But not today.

Disclaimer-
You know what? Please stop looking at me and saying things like “Wow, you’re so lucky!” I mean, really? Do you think I just woke up one day and landed here with zero effort? No, my dear. What you’re seeing now is the result of sleepless nights, countless breakdowns, overthinking sessions that could qualify as a sport, and saying goodbye to people I thought were forever. I’ve cried quietly when no one was watching, stayed awake while others slept peacefully, and fought battles that would never fit into an Instagram post.
And let me tell you one more thing I keep my life private for a reason. I don’t post everything, I don’t announce every win, and I don’t advertise every scar. So what you’re seeing is just the surface. The real story? It's written in chapters only I’ve read.
So next time you see me doing okay, glowing a little, or simply smiling like life’s easy  please don’t call it luck. Just say, “I know you’ve worked really hard to be here.” Because where I am today? It wasn’t magic. It was messy. It was painful. But I made it anyway.
(Yaar, itne nazar mat lagaya karo, pehle hi zindagi mein hulchul machi hui hai, aur zyada mat badhao!)