My 27th Birthday...

 

My 27th Birthday

Another year has passed. I am 27 now. Whoooo... It’s honestly hard to believe that it has been ten years since I was a 17-year-old stepping into college. And now, here I am, pursuing a PhD. Time feels like it’s slipping away too fast. Some people think I look older than my age, some think I look younger, and some just refuse to believe that I have two kids. Well, guess what? Yes, I do have two kids! and no, I’m not secretly 40. I’m 27, and that’s final!

Last night, as I sat and reflected on the past decade, I realized how much has changed. So many people came and went. I lost some of my closest ones, yet I also gained people who became my strength. Life didn’t turn out the way I had imagined back then. If someone had told my 17-year-old self that I would go through everything I have in these years, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. But I faced it all sometimes with tears, sometimes with laughter. And now, when I look back, I wonder… why was I so worried?

Life feels simple at times, yet the very next moment, it becomes complicated again.
A friend once told me, "You are not here to understand life. You are here to live it." Back then, I didn’t quite grasp what he meant, but now, I think I do.

Oh, and yes, the first white hair has appeared. So, I guess I am growing older but not necessarily wiser. I still don’t have the excitement for birthdays like I used to. Well… except for gifts. That excitement is still there!
One thing I have always been stubborn about is that I never wish anyone else on my birthday. It’s my day, and I keep it that way. But, well, things change. Now, it doesn’t bother me if someone forgets my birthday, just like I forget to wish so many people on theirs. (A little secret: Sometimes I remember, but I don’t wish them because they didn’t wish me on my birthday. Shhhh… don’t tell anyone! Come on, I’m mature i wouldn’t do something like that, hahaha.)

One thing I am deeply grateful for is my family. They have always supported my choices (yes, after a bit of drama), understood me, and let me live life my way. Even when they didn’t fully understand my decisions, they still supported me. That’s enough for me to know they are with me.
Words will never be enough to express how much they do for me how they take care of even the smallest things just to make me happy. And of course, MikayLuhana. If there’s anyone in this world who loves me unconditionally after my parents, it’s MikayLuhana. The bond between a mother and child is something words can never fully capture. The truth is, they need me… but I think I need them more. It’s a different story when I’m not around they completely ignore me. But they love me just as much, and we will always need each other.

And then, there’s AadiLuhana the most excited about my birthday. Watching them makes me realize how I used to be just like that as a kid counting down the days, planning celebrations, waiting for surprises. Honestly, I still feel like a child inside. I don’t want to grow up too fast. I want to hold on to that little bit of excitement, at least.

This birthday feels like another year of my life slipping away. Looking back, I wonder what did I achieve this year?
One thing is certain: books have been my best friends this year. Halim, Musaf, Abe Hayat, Namal, Kafka, and many more these stories have been my escape, my comfort against the world. Whenever I feel like I’ve lost someone, I replace them with a book. But beyond books, this year has been special because I met people who made a real difference in my life. They made me realize my worth, taught me to love myself, and understood me even when my mood swings made no sense.

I often wonder why didn’t I meet them earlier? Why, yaar? If I had met them sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have made so many bewakufi (Stupidity!)! But maybe, some people come into your life only when you are ready for them. If we had met earlier, perhaps this bond wouldn’t have been the same. So, Thank you for coming into my life, for making me laugh, and for comforting me when I’m crying. No, no, I don’t cry—it’s just something in my eye probably dust from the ground ( shayad ground ki dhool). Anyway, since it’s my birthday I'll only talk about myself.…

One of the biggest achievements this year? I went on my first solo trip! I handled everything myself from booking tickets and hotels to managing my finances. And yes, I am proud of myself. (Also, a little secret we saved money in the funniest ways. Once, my friend and I entered a fancy restaurant, looked at the expensive menu, and ordered the cheapest dish. We ate that and left, then ate somewhere else later. Hey! Don’t judge it wasn’t that we couldn’t afford it, but we wanted to experience the classic student life! But of course, whatever money we saved, we spent it all on shopping later. Balance!)

Like every year, I have made new promises to myself new goals to achieve, new challenges to take on. I've learned that I can't hate someone, no matter how badly they've treated me. However, once I stop loving someone, it doesn't matter how much I loved them before, I can never go back to that place again.

I've had a major realization I need to stop being a people-pleasing machine! I'm always putting others first and forgetting about my own needs. But let's be real, I'm not a superhero (although that would be cool). This year, I'm making a conscious effort to prioritize my own happiness and learn to say no. It's time for me to be a little more selfish and take care of myself.

Oh, and this year, I have completely stopped writing a diary. I burned all the old ones starting fresh with life.
And then, there is the world outside my little bubble. Palestine. The genocide continues. Every time I see the faces of innocent children on my screen, my heart aches. Their eyes full of fear, loss, and yet, an unbreakable resilience remind me of how unfair this world can be. I see mothers holding onto their lifeless children, fathers digging through rubble with bare hands, hoping for a miracle. And here I am, safe in my home, worrying about birthdays and bucket lists. The guilt is overwhelming. I don’t know how to change anything, how to help, how to make a difference. But I do know this silence is never an option. If nothing else, I wish, i can at least make sure their voices are heard. I can remember. I wish I could change the situation in Palestine, but all I can do is pray for peace and justice. My heart goes out to the people suffering and I hope for a better future for them.

So, here’s to another year another year of learning, growing, making mistakes, and finding my way. Life will always be a mix of good and bad days, but I will keep moving forward, trying my best. Yes, this year, I have left many people/relationships behind, hoping I never have to cross paths with them again. Some decisions are difficult, but necessary. And I have learned from life that no person is obligated to think well of you so be careful.

To everyone who has been a part of my journey those who stayed, those who left, and those who taught me something along the way thank you. And to life no matter how unpredictable it is, I’m still here, still trying, and that’s enough.

To all my birthday twins out there HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May Allah bless you with good health, success, and enough money to never check the price before ordering food or buying clothes. I’m sending you love, positivity, and all my best wishes on our special day!
Also, for today only, let’s pretend we are mature, wise, and responsible adults… and then go back to our usual selves tomorrow. Enjoy the gifts (though, honestly, why do you even need gifts? I’m already sharing my birthday with you what more could you ask for?), the attention, and the one day when we can get away with anything just by saying, "But it’s my birthday!


—Mehfuza Sultana